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Hilarious Lidl story goes viral but people can’t work out if it’s a joke
A weekly shop gone wrong…
One person’s tale of their lockdown visit to Lidl has swept social media and people are equally confused and amused.
The tale involves one man, a weekly shop and some rope. What transpires is a beautiful story of teamwork between a bunch of Lidl-goers.
I don’t want to rope you along or waste your time, but you’re knot going to believe this. No, you literally won’t, it’s obviously a joke.
Here’s the story in full, enjoy…
“A warning to all: avoid using Lidl in Dewsbury at the moment if you can.
I’ve just got back from a truly awful shopping trip there.
Having queued up, patiently and socially distancing, as I neared the entrance a shop worker clipped a carabena onto the belt loop of my jeans, my perplexed expression must have said it all as she explained that whilst people are distancing in the queue outside, they aren’t distancing once inside the store.
So what some dinlo has dreamt up is to rope six or so customers together with 2m of rope between each of us!
WTAF?!
Well these are strange times and with the threat of a second wave of infection I thought I’d best not complain and just toe the line (or perhaps ‘tow’ the line would be more appropriate!).
I’m telling you now, what an absolutely idiotic idea this is.
We negotiated our way in to the store, some with trolleys and others trying to grab a basket before the berserk conga line drags them away
I was near the middle of the rope picking up some veg, the woman at the front, who was trussed up like a kid in a harness was trying to drag the whole line to the apples and the bloke at the back trying to pull the other way to get his hands on last week’s courgettes which were now this week’s courgette offer.
It was like tug-of-war for the deranged.
It’s embarrassing to say, but I lost it, started ranting and raving about the rope and how the hell are people meant to shop like this, I went to unclip the carabena which miraculously brought the attention of the staff who told me I’d be asked to leave the shop if I unclipped.
“FFS we’re not rock climbing, we’re trying to buy cheese” are words which I’ll carry with me to my grave.
Strangely this outburst had the effect of bringing our train together as a team.
We carried on now with lots of communication, people passing stuff along the line to other to fill their baskets.
Now I know passing things to one another could spread the infection as much as person to person contact but I honestly think if we hadn’t have done, I’d still be there now.
As we started along the aisle I generally refer to as “biscuits and creosote”, it was clear from the melée that all was not well in the adjacent aisle.
As far as I could tell there had been 2 trains of people and a lady in the middle of one chain had ducked under the other to get her hands on a pop-art cat bed.
The tangle had resulted in a multi-pedestrian pile up in which the epicentre resembled the deity Durga, it wasn’t clear how long they’d been there but one old chap was trying to free himself by feverishly sawing at the rope with his house keys.
We navigated the remaining aisles without major trauma, other than having to rescue Doreen (2nd in line) after she fell in the chest freezer trying to reach the last beef Wellington.
We were individually unclipped prior to the till, at which point any camaraderie we’d had quickly evaporated as everyone scrambled for the first available till.
With the ordeal still impeding rational thought, it was a welcome and familiar sight to have the check out throw all my shopping on the floor in the normal 1000mph fashion.
I really did not appreciate being strung along like that, but I hope you were!
And if you really want to be entertained, wait for the comments from those who don’t read the whole thing.”
—-
Well there you go. I’m not sure how some people don’t realise it’s a joke to be honest…
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Once-in-a-lifetime ‘Mother of Dragons’ green comet set to be visible in UK skies tonight
Don’t forget to look up tonight!
A huge green comet dubbed the ‘Mother of Dragons’ is set to be visible in UK skies tonight, and here’s how you can see it.
A green giant – not the sweetcorn kind – is currently visible in the sky over the northern hemisphere, and this spectacular glowing rock can be seen shooting past us this evening (April 4th).
There’s a lot of cosmic goings on in the skies at the moment as North America prepares to witness a solar eclipse next week, plunging it into darkness for a moment.
Unfortunately, us Brits won’t be able to witness that one but the Mother of Dragons comet will certainly be an extraordinary spectacle to witness, and will look a bit like the Green Goblin is zooming past us high up in the sky.
Comet 12P/Pons-Brooks has a nucleus approximately 10.5 miles (17 kilometres) wide – about the size of a city – and is thought to be bright enough to see with the naked eye, although astronomers advise using binoculars to get the best views.
The comet will be visible for the first time since 1954 and only passes by every 71 years.
It has been given its nickname because ESA researchers believe it is the parent body of the kappa-Draconids meteor shower, and of course it’s a cool pop-culture reference to Game of Thrones.
The comet also used to appear to have a pair of horns but they have gone now.
It is comprised of ice, dust and rock and looks green due to the presence of diatomic carbon molecules, which emit emerald-coloured light when illuminated by the sun.
Comet 12P/Pons-Brooks is referred to as explosive due to its volatile activity as it is known for its spectacular outbursts of gas and dust.
The comet will reach its closest point to Earth in June 2024. However, by this time, it won’t be possible to observe the comet from the northern hemisphere. Late March and early April will offer the best opportunities.
If you’re an avid stargazer, astronomer in the making or would just like a chance to see this magnificent ancient rock light up the night sky, you will need to head out to higher ground away from light pollution where possible. Clear skies are best and binoculars may help you get the best views of this cosmic marvel.
Gregory Brown, an astronomer at the Royal Observatory Greenwich, told the MailOnline: “The comet can now be found in the constellation of Aries which is visible in the early evening, over in the west.
“It will only become visible after twilight and sets by around 10pm BST.
“While it may be possible to see with the unaided eye, it is best to try and observe with a pair of binoculars or a small telescope.”
Comet 12P/Pons-Brooks won’t be returning to our night skies until 2095, so make sure not to miss out on this one!
The rain may seem relentless but brighter days are coming for Manchester as the city is set to get hotter than Los Angeles later this week.
This rainy metropolis will enjoy a little break from the April showers as a mini heatwave is coming to kick start beer garden season.
So, dig out your shorts and leave your jacket at home as temperatures begin to soar from Friday afternoon, reaching 18C on Saturday – which will be hotter than LA in the Golden State of California.
As Friday afternoon (April 5th) approaches, the sun will make an appearance between any breaks in the clouds and temperatures will peak at 16C, according to BBC Weather.
And with sunset not until 7.52pm, there will be just enough time to visit a pub garden and enjoy a couple of mojitos to get you in the mood for the weekend.
On Saturday April 6th, Manchester will start off cloudy but into the late morning temperatures will begin to rise and Mancunians will get to enjoy sunny intervals with temperatures reaching highs of 18C, as meteorologists predict ‘above average’ conditions for this time of year.
However, the rollerbladers on Venice Beach will only experience temperatures of 15C. But while Los Angeles might be a little cooler than Manchester, it will still remain sunny while Mancs will have to put up with the odd shower here and there.
The Met Office’s outlook for Friday and Saturday reads: “Low pressure remaining dominant through this period, with further heavy showers and longer spells of rain.
“Turning increasingly windy too, though temperatures above average for the time of year.”
Now, we know it won’t be perfect weather but it will make a nice change from the constant freezing temperatures we’ve been having. A nice spell of warmth and sunshine on the weekend isn’t too shabby afterall.
No doubt we’ll all be flocking to our nearest beaches, nature spots and having a BBQ this weekend!
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Greater Manchester dominates top ten UK Vaping Capitals, according to research
Four Greater Manchester areas made the top 10 list of vaping hotspots
Greater Manchester dominates the list of Vaping Capitals of the UK, according to new research.
Wherever you go, you don’t have to walk far before you enter a sweet-smelling hazy cloud of vapour and feel as if you’re a contestant on Stars In Their Eyes.
Young people are vaping on the tram, your mate can barely construct a sentence without inhaling some of the battery-powered, synthetic cherry flavoured smoke, and every other stranger on the street is blowing out a cloud big enough to conceal an aircraft.
Replacing the old habit of cigarette smoking, it now seems as if vaping is taking over just about everywhere.
Online vape store Go Smoke Free, used GOV.UK’s Companies House advanced search feature to find businesses registered for the retail sale of tobacco products in specialised stores in the UK.
It then compared the number of these active businesses to each town or city’s population size to construct a list of the top 10 UK Vaping Capitals.
Unfortunately, Greater Manchester dominates the list of the UK’s Vaping Capitals with four areas named.
According to the research, Blackburn is ranked as the UK’s vaping capital, with 27 registered vape retailers serving its population of 119,707 residents. When accounting for population size, this equates to 22.56 vape shops per 100,000 residents – the largest figure for any UK town or city.
Second on the list is Bolton in Greater Manchester, with 20.26 vape shops registered per 100,000 residents in the town. Bolton has 41 registered vape shops in total serving its 202,369 residents.
Manchester ranks third, with 110 vape shops in total. However, the city’s larger population ensures this works out to 19.84 registered vape retailers per 100,000 residents.
Further down the list, Middlesbrough ranks fourth. Located in North Yorkshire, Middlesbrough has 12.43 vape shops per 100,000 residents. The town has 22 registered vape shops serving its 176,991 residents.
Rounding out the top five is Salford in Greater Manchester, which has a total of 14 registered vape shops, equivalent to 12.03 shops per 100,000 residents.
And Stockport ranks sixth, with 10.91 vape retailers per 100,000 residents.
A spokesperson for Go Smoke Free said: “Disposable vapes have gained popularity in recent years, due to their convenience, portability and low cost, which has made them an attractive option for those who would otherwise have been unlikely to invest in a more complex vaping setup.”
They continued: “The new disposable vape ban should help to discourage children from taking up vaping, while encouraging adults to shift to more sustainable alternatives, such as refillable vapes.
“This study highlights which areas of the UK are most likely to be affected by the upcoming ban on selling disposable vapes. The Greater Manchester area boasts its fair share of stores catering to vapers’ needs, with Blackburn, Bolton and the city of Manchester claiming the top three spots.
“These cities could see a significant shift in their vaping culture, with the ban impacting consumer behaviour, and existing vape retailers adapting their offerings to cater to the new legislation.”
The list of vaping capital of the UK, according to Go Smoke Free, is as follows:
- Blackburn
- Bolton
- Manchester
- Middlesborough
- Salford
- Stockport
- Doncaster
- Newport
- Peterborough
- Nottingham
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