One person’s tale of their lockdown visit to Lidl has swept social media and people are equally confused and amused.
The tale involves one man, a weekly shop and some rope. What transpires is a beautiful story of teamwork between a bunch of Lidl-goers.
I don’t want to rope you along or waste your time, but you’re knot going to believe this. No, you literally won’t, it’s obviously a joke.
Here’s the story in full, enjoy…
“A warning to all: avoid using Lidl in Dewsbury at the moment if you can.
I’ve just got back from a truly awful shopping trip there.
Having queued up, patiently and socially distancing, as I neared the entrance a shop worker clipped a carabena onto the belt loop of my jeans, my perplexed expression must have said it all as she explained that whilst people are distancing in the queue outside, they aren’t distancing once inside the store.
So what some dinlo has dreamt up is to rope six or so customers together with 2m of rope between each of us!
Well these are strange times and with the threat of a second wave of infection I thought I’d best not complain and just toe the line (or perhaps ‘tow’ the line would be more appropriate!).
I’m telling you now, what an absolutely idiotic idea this is.
We negotiated our way in to the store, some with trolleys and others trying to grab a basket before the berserk conga line drags them away
I was near the middle of the rope picking up some veg, the woman at the front, who was trussed up like a kid in a harness was trying to drag the whole line to the apples and the bloke at the back trying to pull the other way to get his hands on last week’s courgettes which were now this week’s courgette offer.
It was like tug-of-war for the deranged.
It’s embarrassing to say, but I lost it, started ranting and raving about the rope and how the hell are people meant to shop like this, I went to unclip the carabena which miraculously brought the attention of the staff who told me I’d be asked to leave the shop if I unclipped.
“FFS we’re not rock climbing, we’re trying to buy cheese” are words which I’ll carry with me to my grave.
Strangely this outburst had the effect of bringing our train together as a team.
We carried on now with lots of communication, people passing stuff along the line to other to fill their baskets.
Now I know passing things to one another could spread the infection as much as person to person contact but I honestly think if we hadn’t have done, I’d still be there now.
As we started along the aisle I generally refer to as “biscuits and creosote”, it was clear from the melée that all was not well in the adjacent aisle.
As far as I could tell there had been 2 trains of people and a lady in the middle of one chain had ducked under the other to get her hands on a pop-art cat bed.
The tangle had resulted in a multi-pedestrian pile up in which the epicentre resembled the deity Durga, it wasn’t clear how long they’d been there but one old chap was trying to free himself by feverishly sawing at the rope with his house keys.
We navigated the remaining aisles without major trauma, other than having to rescue Doreen (2nd in line) after she fell in the chest freezer trying to reach the last beef Wellington.
We were individually unclipped prior to the till, at which point any camaraderie we’d had quickly evaporated as everyone scrambled for the first available till.
With the ordeal still impeding rational thought, it was a welcome and familiar sight to have the check out throw all my shopping on the floor in the normal 1000mph fashion.
I really did not appreciate being strung along like that, but I hope you were!
And if you really want to be entertained, wait for the comments from those who don’t read the whole thing.”
Well there you go. I’m not sure how some people don’t realise it’s a joke to be honest…
Boy, 9, delivers letter to Prime Minister pleading for medicinal cannabis prescription for epileptic brother
Thomas wrote to the Prime Minister in a bid to get his little brother, Eddie, a prescription for the treatment
The brother of a severely epileptic boy penned an emotional letter to the Prime Minister in his plea for a medicinal cannabis prescription.
Nine year old Thomas Braun, from Farndon, Cheshire, told Boris Johnson that his parents should not have the ‘added worry of having to find lots of money to pay for his medicine,’ according to the BBC.
His younger brother Eddie can suffer up to 100 seizures a day, and his family currently spend around £800 a month on his medicinal cannabis treatment, which they say is ‘life changing.’
Thomas, who said his brother means ‘everything’ to him, asked the prime minister to help his parents ‘and the other mums and dads’ who have to fundraise each month to meet the medical bills.
He wrote: “My mum and dad love us both, and they have to help Eddie a lot and sometimes I have to help too.
“They have the added worry of having to find lots of money to pay for his medicine. Lots of our friends help. But getting the medicine from the government without having to do lots of things to find the money would help them a lot.”
Thomas admitted that he ‘felt nervous’ delivering the letter to Downing Street but he said ‘it was also very exciting, because this is my chance to actually help change my brother’s life and my family’s life.’
Medicinal cannabis can be prescribed on the NHS but only in ‘exceptional’ cases.
The treatment was made legal with a prescription in 2018 for those with an ‘exceptional clinical need.’ But since then, only three NHS prescriptions have been issued, forcing families to spend thousands of pounds on private treatments.
A spokeswoman for the Department of Health and Social Care said licensed cannabis-based medicines were ‘funded by the NHS where there is clear evidence of their safety and clinical effectiveness.’
She said specialist doctors could now prescribe ‘unlicensed cannabis-based products for medicinal use where it is clinically appropriate and in the best interests of patients.’
Mum praises hero lorry driver who prevented her son jumping from M62 motorway bridge
The woman revealed how her son was ‘his normal self’ hours before the incident unfolded
The mother of the young man pictured sitting on the railings of a bridge over the M62 last week has praised the actions of the heroic lorry driver who parked his vehicle below in a bid to prevent him from jumping.
A distressing image of the young man went viral last week after being shared by Vulnerable Citizen Support Leeds, a community that provides help and assistance to those struggling with mental health issues and homelessness.
The organisation wrote alongside the image: “This is a picture from the M62 Motorway Bridge – a passerby has posted it to raise awareness of the situation at hand.
“What people don’t understand is that to jump on the other side of any bridge indicates something drastically wrong with their mental health.
“What a trucker – stopping on the hard shoulder and leaving his truck there – to ensure when he did jump – it wasn’t a longer distance to the floor.”
And now, after the picture went viral, the man’s mum, who wants to remain anonymous but is said to be from Manchester, has spoken out and has praised the quick thinking of the unidentified lorry driver on that fateful day.
She explained that she didn’t realise it was even her son until she saw the image circulating on social media, telling Yorkshire Live: “I kept looking at it and I thought, ‘I’m sure that is my son.’
“The picture got sent to me and it was circulated around and I could tell it was him by the way he was sat and the clothes he had on.”
She went on to explain that she had seen him earlier that day and that ‘he was his normal self.’
She added: “Looking back, all I can think to myself is, ‘oh my God, that could’ve been the last I saw him. Before he left, he turned round to me and said, ‘see you mum, I love you’ and I said it back but that could’ve been the last time.”
Speaking of the lorry driver who parked under the bride, the woman said: “He saved his life.
“At the moment, my son has a lot of problems. He has a lot of worries and I’m just grateful that the driver’s stopped him from doing that and I can’t express how grateful that he did stop.”
She concluded by revealing that her son visited a doctor shortly after the incident and is now receiving help.
If you or anyone you know has been suffering with mental health issues, you can call the Samaritans at 116 123, or CALM at 0800 58 58 58. Alternatively, you can find local mental health services and more info here.
Manchester Cathedral launches a new ‘listening post’ to tackle stigma around mental health and loneliness
What an amazing idea
Manchester Cathedral has launched a new initiative that aims to tackle the stigma surrounding mental health and loneliness.
‘The Listening Post’ has been erected in its gardens, with members of the cathedral waiting to listen to those wanting to either talk, vent, offload their problems, or all three.
The cathedral announced the new initiative on Facebook this morning, writing: “Today we’ve launched #TheListeningPost. Throughout the summer, depending on the weather and availability, there’ll be someone to have a chat with outside Manchester Cathedral.
“Hours will vary but the warm welcome and compassionate listening won’t.”
The post was quick to garner a reaction online, with many social media users applauding the cathedral for the touching idea.
One Facebook user wrote: “Fabulous idea – get all churches to do it.”
Another noted: “What a fantastic idea, I may be popping along.”
Though this isn’t the first time Manchester Cathedral has made an effort to raise awareness for mental health amongst the community – once a year, they host the Manchester Sleepout, a giant sleepover to share the reality of homelessness in the city and to offer a glimpse into rough sleeping.
They also hosted an interfaith service to mark World Mental Health Day in October last year.
Describing the event, they wrote on their website: “The World Mental Health Day Interfaith Service was born out a simple vision – for faith communities to collaborate with health and social agencies, to address the mental health inequalities that we increasingly recognise in our midst and in doing so to build a stronger society.”
Manchester Cathedral can be found on Victoria Street, Manchester, M3 1SX.