One person’s tale of their lockdown visit to Lidl has swept social media and people are equally confused and amused.
The tale involves one man, a weekly shop and some rope. What transpires is a beautiful story of teamwork between a bunch of Lidl-goers.
I don’t want to rope you along or waste your time, but you’re knot going to believe this. No, you literally won’t, it’s obviously a joke.
Here’s the story in full, enjoy…
“A warning to all: avoid using Lidl in Dewsbury at the moment if you can.
I’ve just got back from a truly awful shopping trip there.
Having queued up, patiently and socially distancing, as I neared the entrance a shop worker clipped a carabena onto the belt loop of my jeans, my perplexed expression must have said it all as she explained that whilst people are distancing in the queue outside, they aren’t distancing once inside the store.
So what some dinlo has dreamt up is to rope six or so customers together with 2m of rope between each of us!
Well these are strange times and with the threat of a second wave of infection I thought I’d best not complain and just toe the line (or perhaps ‘tow’ the line would be more appropriate!).
I’m telling you now, what an absolutely idiotic idea this is.
We negotiated our way in to the store, some with trolleys and others trying to grab a basket before the berserk conga line drags them away
I was near the middle of the rope picking up some veg, the woman at the front, who was trussed up like a kid in a harness was trying to drag the whole line to the apples and the bloke at the back trying to pull the other way to get his hands on last week’s courgettes which were now this week’s courgette offer.
It was like tug-of-war for the deranged.
It’s embarrassing to say, but I lost it, started ranting and raving about the rope and how the hell are people meant to shop like this, I went to unclip the carabena which miraculously brought the attention of the staff who told me I’d be asked to leave the shop if I unclipped.
“FFS we’re not rock climbing, we’re trying to buy cheese” are words which I’ll carry with me to my grave.
Strangely this outburst had the effect of bringing our train together as a team.
We carried on now with lots of communication, people passing stuff along the line to other to fill their baskets.
Now I know passing things to one another could spread the infection as much as person to person contact but I honestly think if we hadn’t have done, I’d still be there now.
As we started along the aisle I generally refer to as “biscuits and creosote”, it was clear from the melée that all was not well in the adjacent aisle.
As far as I could tell there had been 2 trains of people and a lady in the middle of one chain had ducked under the other to get her hands on a pop-art cat bed.
The tangle had resulted in a multi-pedestrian pile up in which the epicentre resembled the deity Durga, it wasn’t clear how long they’d been there but one old chap was trying to free himself by feverishly sawing at the rope with his house keys.
We navigated the remaining aisles without major trauma, other than having to rescue Doreen (2nd in line) after she fell in the chest freezer trying to reach the last beef Wellington.
We were individually unclipped prior to the till, at which point any camaraderie we’d had quickly evaporated as everyone scrambled for the first available till.
With the ordeal still impeding rational thought, it was a welcome and familiar sight to have the check out throw all my shopping on the floor in the normal 1000mph fashion.
I really did not appreciate being strung along like that, but I hope you were!
And if you really want to be entertained, wait for the comments from those who don’t read the whole thing.”
Well there you go. I’m not sure how some people don’t realise it’s a joke to be honest…
Huge meteor captured on doorbell camera lighting up the sky over Wigan
‘This particular piece of asteroid spent most of its orbit between Mars and Jupiter’
Meteor caught on camera lighting up the sky over Wigan.
The meteor was spotted just before 10pm on Sunday February 28th, and sent a sonic boom across parts of England. Scientists explain that it is likely to have been a small piece of an asteroid entering the Earth’s atmosphere.
A woman named Nikki posted a video of the meteor on Twitter, captured on her doorbell camera near her home in Appley Bridge on Sunday.
UKFall said the bright light could be seen all the way from Ireland to the Netherlands and is set to break the record as the most reported ever.
Over 758 reports have been made on the International Meteor Organisation’s website already.
UKFall’s Dr Ashley King, said: “The video recordings tell us its speed was about 30,000 miles per hour, which is too fast for it to be human-made ‘space junk’, so it’s not an old rocket or satellite.
“The videos also allowed us to reconstruct its original orbit around the sun. In this case, the orbit was like an asteroid’s.
“This particular piece of asteroid spent most of its orbit between Mars and Jupiter, though sometimes got closer to the Sun than Earth is.”
UKFall also said that it is likely ‘a few fragments’ reached the ground as the meteor fragmented in the atmosphere.
Dr Katherine Joy of the University of Manchester said: “If you do find a meteorite on the ground, ideally photograph it in place, note the location using your phone GPS, don’t touch it with a magnet, and, if you can, avoid touching it with your hands.”
Did you spot the meteor? We’d love to see your videos or photos – share them in the comments on Facebook!
All the cute baby animals you’ll be able to see when Chester Zoo reopens
There’s been a baby boom at the zoo
Chester Zoo is set to reopen its doors next month and there are plenty of cute baby animals to see.
After a challenging year for Chester Zoo, the news from Boris Johnson last week that means outdoor attractions such as zoos and theme parks can reopen from April 12th was welcomed.
And over the course of lockdown, there has been a baby boom in the zoo too!
There’s everything to see from tree frogs to penguin chicks and rare baby lemurs.
Of some of the smallest to see are 12cm long baby Mongoose triplets that were born back in May last year.
Even smaller, a pair of Eastern Pygmy Marmosets were born in December measuring just two inches long at the time.
The babies are part of the most miniature primate species on Earth and are normally found in the rainforests of western Brazil, south-eastern Colombia, eastern Ecuador and eastern Peru.
Some of the largest species at the zoo saw new additions, like the birth of a rare baby rhino. The birth of the Eastern Black Rhino was celebrated globally as fewer than 1,000 remain on the planet.
You’ll also find baby penguins born at the start of lockdown last year, plus baby Great Green Macaw Parrot chicks that hatched back in April 2020.
These colourful birds live in the lowland forests of Central and South America with a global population estimated at fewer than 2,500.
In March last year, twin ring-tailed lemurs were born to parents Fiona and Dog.
Rare Mexican frogs were born at Chester Zoo in September – the first of their kind born in a European zoo.
As part of a successful breeding programme, 100 Mexican Leaf Frogs hatched at the zoo after keepers recreated the scorching conditions of their natural environment.
A critically endangered Western chimpanzee was born by 43-year-old Mandy in August at Chester Zoo. Normally found in West Africa, there are as few as 18,000 Western chimpanzees remaining in the wild.
It’s also the first subspecies of chimpanzee to be added to the list of critically endangered apes, making this birth vital to the future of the subspecies.
A critically endangered Bornean orangutan was born in October, a surprise to keepers as mum Leia had a negative pregnancy test just a few months prior.
Estimates suggest fewer than 55,000 Bornean orangutans remain on the island of Borneo in Indonesia, the only place you can find them in the wild.
Earlier last month, Chester Zoo bosses revealed that the zoo is losing £1.7m a month, totalling to £11.5m in losses if the zoo can reopen on April 12th.
Primark confirms what date it will be reopening after lockdown
The news Primark fans have been waiting for
With the details of the ‘roadmap out of lockdown’ revealed yesterday by the prime minister, non-essential retail has been given the chance to start planning its reopening.
Non-essential retailers can reopen during the second stage of restriction easing, which will happen no earlier than April 12th.
Retailers which don’t sell ‘essential’ items have been closed since January 4th, and were only able to open sporadically throughout last year.
If the data let’s stage two go ahead on its planned date, then the high street should once again come to life on Monday April 12th.
That includes Primark, who has now confirmed that it will be opening stores on April 12th if the government allows it.
A Primark spokesperson told The Sun: “Primark welcomes the news that we have a provisional opening date of April 12th for our stores in England.
“We know our customers will be thrilled and we can’t wait to welcome them back into our stores.
“Our priority will be to do that safely, building on all the lessons we have learnt across our European operations in the past year.”
Joining Primark in reopening on the 12th will be John Lewis, Dunelm, H&M and JD Sport, who all plan to let customers enter stores on the first day it is allowed.