There are a lot of things we all do when we’re alone that no one fully admits to.
You know that fake laugh you do when you’ve completely zoned out and stopped listening to someone when they’re talking, so you just awkwardly laugh instead?
Well, there’s no need to be embarrassed anymore because it turns out everyone does the exact same thing.
We’ve made a list of all the best ones. Let us know if you do them too (you do).
Holding your breath when you walk past someone on the stairs to pretend you’re not knackered
We’ve all done it, acted like we’re a healthy individual when we’re actually absolutely puffed walking up just one flight of stairs.
Keeping your eyes closed when you go to the toilet at night to not lose any ‘sleepiness’
Going to the toilet at night is a monumental task, you really have to psych yourself up to get out of your comfy cocoon, even when you’re absolutely bursting.
Do you ever start the song again because you zoned out?
You know when you get half way through and realise you’ve not given the masterpiece enough attention, so you have to restart it? I’ve done this three times in a row once.
We all pretend to not notice the money in a birthday card
You know exactly what I mean for this one, you open the card, actually put your finger on the notes to hold it up, read the carefully written message from your nan as she stares patiently at you, waiting for your face to light up when you notice the money. It’s a beautiful act of caring, really.
Acting surprised when someone offers you a snack, when they are offering the whole room
You know EXACTLY what I mean here. It’s usually accompanied by an ‘Oooohh’, *big smile*, and then a ‘thanks so much’. Sometimes you might add a comment in like ‘these are my favourites’. We’re just too damn polite.
Pretending you have a lot more money than you do
This isn’t even a mean one. You know when you ask what the price of something is, even though the fact it doesn’t have a price tag on means you definitely can’t afford it? Then they tell you the price, which is way over your budget and you have to pretend like you’re still debating it.
You will usually end up saying ‘Thanks, I’ll think about it’. No you won’t. Get outta there.
When you ordered something three minutes ago
If you’re not doing this everyday in lockdown, you’re not doing it right.
Texting ‘LMAO!!!!! OMG I’m SCreeamminngggg’ back when you barely even loled
Who has time to laugh anyway!!!?!
When you turn the volume down so you can spot a free car parking space
The best bit about this one is that we all used to watch our mums do it. Complain. Then we learned how to drive and now we do it.
When you can’t sleep so you workout exactly how many hours, minutes and seconds of sleep you would get if you fell asleep right now.
“If I fall asleep right now I’ll get 6 hours, 12 minutes and 32 seconds, 31 seconds, 30 seconds”. Maybe it’s a modern way of counting sheep. And by modern I mean since clocks existed.
Alternatively, when you wake up, check the clock and realise you still have 4 more hours before your alarm so have a mini celebration. Props to you if that includes a little laydown dance.
When you zone out while driving and wonder how you just got through those three roundabouts
When you’re back from your daydream you panic, check your speed to see if you’re over the limit, stress about how many red lights you’ve just run and generally wonder who the hell gave you a driving license.
Waiting for your phone to stop ringing you so you can start using it again…
Do you ever just stare at it ringing and wait until it stops? iPhones have that wonderful feature too that means it stops making noise or vibrating but doesn’t count as you hanging up. It’s so frustrating that someone would interrupt your game on Candy Crush to caaaaallll you. Who even calls these days anyway?!
When you leave a shop without buying something and have to remind yourself you are, in fact, innocent
Why do we panic about this so much? You didn’t stick a Microwave down your pants, DON’T WORRY!! Something didn’t accidentally fall in your bag either.
That weird half-smile you give to strangers
Don’t even pretend like you don’t do this one. Every single person is guilty of this. It’s the type of smile that really stretches your lips and absolutely definitely does not show any teeth. Why can’t we smile at strangers with our teeth? Or in fact, just our normal smile??
This smile is also used a lot in offices. You know these people, you could probably recite their email address right now if I asked you to, but smile at them with teeth?!? Say hello?!! GOD NO!
Turns out, we’re all still doing it even in the pandemic! Actually, chloeplumstead did a poll over on her Instagram recently which proved people are inclined to do the stranger nod/smile in the pandemic more than ever. Even some people in London are doing it, if you can believe that.
When your online shopping comes to £435.97 but the £4.99 shipping is too much
THE AUDACITY. The most bizarre thing about this is we’d all rather pay for an annual delivery fee for something we will probably never order again than pay that £4.99.
Everyone’s a suspect when you’ve lost the remote
That person could quite literally not have moved in four days from that seat but you will still make them stand up when you’ve lost the remote…. ‘it could’ve fallen DOWN!!!’ I’ve heard families have broken up over lost remotes.
Do you ever just…
WHAT IS WRONG WITH US ALL???
Councils can offer homeless people cash and food vouchers to get Covid vaccine, government confirms
In England, homeless people are a group with a very low vaccine uptake
Homeless people across England can be offered cash and food vouchers in exchange for getting the Covid vaccine, the government has confirmed today.
Eddie Hughes, the minister for rough sleeping, said councils could use part of the government’s £28m ‘protect and vaccinate’ scheme to incentivise vaccinations for those on the streets in the first scheme of its kind in the UK, the Local Government Chronicle reported.
The new funding will go towards delivering mobile vaccinations where people are sleeping on the streets, supporting outreach work in shelters to educate people about the dangers of the virus, and to councils to provide accommodation.
Hughes said homeless people are a group with very low levels of vaccination, pointing out that there is likely to be a degree of ‘vaccine hesitancy’.
He explained: “So we’re making an additional pot of money available to incentivise vaccinations for this group. This funding will help local authorities and their partners to use their understanding of the needs of rough sleepers to increase the vaccination take-up.
“Incentivisation will be at the discretion of local authorities but could include transport, subsistence, childcare and support workers’ costs.
“So I want to be clear, you will have considerable support to do this.”
A spokesperson for the Department for Levelling Up, Housing and Communities added: “The discretion given to councils include[s] the ability to offer cash or food vouchers as incentives for vaccination.”
Jon Sparkes, the chief executive of homelessness charity Crisis, told Inside Housing that the new funding is ‘incredibly welcome’ and ‘will help to protect the lives of people facing the most vulnerable circumstances.’
He said: “Through our frontline services, we know that vaccination rates amongst people experiencing homelessness are particularly low.
“This could prove fatal for many when also coupled with other health issues and the physical impact of spending night and day on the streets in the freezing cold.”
Just one month ago, new figures showed that at least thirty-three people died while sleeping rough in Manchester during the 2020 pandemic.
While this statistic is down from the fifty-one recorded deaths in 2019, it is still 65% higher than the twenty homeless deaths estimated in 2013, when the figures were first collected.
Morrisons will now ban shoppers without a mask unless they’re exempt
Morrisons will now no longer allow shoppers in stores without a mask unless they’re medically exempt.
The supermarket Morrisons has now confirmed that customers who refuse to wear a mask will be told to leave the store unless they can provide a medical exemption.
Chief executive David Potts said: “Those who are offered a face covering and decline to wear one won’t be allowed to shop at Morrisons unless they are medically exempt. Our store colleagues are working hard to feed you and your family, please be kind.”
This comes after shopworkers’ union USDAW said it was ‘inundated’ with complaints from members who were ‘deeply concerned’ for their safety, as the public often ignore Covid rules.
England’s chief medical officer said earlier that the next few weeks will be the worst of the pandemic, pleading with the public to minimise the amount of unnecessary contact with people not in their household.
Speaking to BBC Breakfast, Chris Whitty added: “This new variant is really pushing things in a way that the old variant, which was already very bad, was not able to. So we have a very significant problem … The next few weeks are going to be the worst weeks of this pandemic in terms of numbers into the NHS.”
Vaccines minister Nadhim Zahawi also voiced his concerns that the public were not complying with the measures put in place by supermarkets. He said: “I am worried about supermarkets and people actually wearing masks and following the one-way system and making sure when it’s at capacity they wait outside the supermarket.”
The Union of Shop, Distributive and Allied Workers (USDAW) general secretary, Paddy Lillis said: “Retail staff are working with the public every day and not only suffer increased abuse, but are deeply worried about catching Covid-19.
“Where safety measures are agreed, retailers need to make sure that they are being followed consistently, in every store. We are also very concerned by reports that too many customers are not following necessary safety measures like social distancing, wearing a face covering and only shopping for essential items.”
New tighter rules are also now reportedly being considered by the government, six days after the national lockdown was implemented.
The Telegraph reports that a ban on households mixing is being considered by ministers as well as the possible introduction of face coverings in offices, as some businesses have apparently become ‘lax’.
Shoppers left ‘fuming’ after Poundland’s festive till message publicly ‘humiliates’ them
Naughty or nice?
Poundland’s festive till alerts have been dubbed ‘humiliating’ by some customers.
Not everybody is impressed with new till alert at Poundland that put a festive twist on the automated voice.
Santa replaces the normal voice at the self-serve tills this Christmas, however one shopper was left mortified after her card was rejected and Santa started singing.
A video of the festive alert has gone viral with many criticising it as Father Christmas can be heard warning: “Card not accepted, is it on the naughty list?
“Because I’m checking it twice, I’m going to find out who’s naughty or nice,” before singing: “Santa Claus is coming to town.”
One woman complained on Twitter writing: “Your tills are incredibly embarrassing!! Shouting out my card was declined over and over. How discreet for your customers. Not.
“All because I needed to transfer my money to the correct account, the whole shop thought I couldn’t purchase.
“Not happy one bit. Merry Xmas.”
A video has been shared on TikTok racking up over 150,000 veiws. The caption read: “So guys, I accidentally used the wrong card so it got declined – listen to this self checkout machine.
“OMG I’m absolutely screaminggggggg.
“Narrrh, I’m actually emailing Poundland HR, how f****** embarrassing.”
A person replied saying: “This happened to me yesterday! The most embarrassing thing ever.”
A fed up employee replied: “I work at Poundland and this haunts me.”
On Twitter, one man tweeted: “Bizarrely, Poundland has turned its self-service till voice into Santa.
“Just stood behind a queue of people buying binbags, cotton buds, weedkiller with Santa joyfully proclaiming, ‘Ho ho ho, make sure you get those wrapped nicely for Christmas!’ every time.”
A second added: “Shopping in @Poundland and hearing Santa’s voice on the self serve tills was the cheer up I didn’t know I needed today.”
A Poundland spokesman told The Mirror: “Santa took time out of his very busy schedule to do this. How can anyone be a grinch about Santa?
“Our seasonal checkout voices from Elvis to Yoda are part of what makes Poundland, Poundland. We haven’t lost our sense of humour despite this being an unusual year.”