Unless you’ve been hiding under a rock for the past few years, you’ll be aware Greggs has been releasing a steady stream of vegan products, starting with their vegan sausage roll.
You’ll also be aware that Piers Morgan has been whipped up into an incandescent fury by the news that Greggs is offering vegan alternatives to their many meat products.
However, are you aware that someone has written an erotic novella about Piers Morgan shagging a Greggs vegan sausage roll?
That’s right, British YouTuber Alizee Yeezy has written an x-rated story about Piers Morgan having sex with one of the vegan rolls, and it’s currently doing the rounds online.
The story innocently begins with Piers and his Good Morning Britain co-host Susanna Reid telling the story of a dog that learned to play the piano after losing a paw.
As the story progresses, the action takes a bit of a turn, culminating in Susanna breaking down a door to witness a very shocking scene, the Metro reports.
Yeezy writes: “She found Piers Morgan crouched over his bed, naked, with his penis inside a sausage roll. Empty Greggs packages littered his once-fine room; it was the scene of a bakery bombshell.
“Piers was covered in flaky pastry, sausage meat was stuck all over his hands. He was grunting, his body pouring with perspiration, droplets of sweat rolling down his forehead and red cheeks as he pumped himself frantically into the Nation’s Favourite Roll.”
After witnessing this Susanna faints – a fairly reasonable reaction given the sight she’s just witnessed.
Piers has since responded on Twitter, and it’s safe to say he’s not impressed, describing the book as ‘tasteless’.
If you want to read the whole thing, Piers Morgan’s Vegan Lover is out now and available to purchase on Amazon.
Lidl and B&Q have been accidentally selling rare plants worth £4k for just £10
And you thought your work cock-up was bad…
Supermarket giant Lidl and DIY retailer B&Q have been accidentally flogging rare plants worth thousands of pounds at a massively reduced price.
In what could be one of the most colossal pricing mistakes in the retailers’ history, the shops have been mistaking a small naturally occurring variegation in the plants for fungus or disease – or in some cases not spotting them at all – and have therefore been selling them at a reduced price.
Despite the variegation’s appearance and subtlety, however, they actually make plants extremely valuable; something both Lidl and B&Q clearly weren’t aware of.
Here are the plants that could be worth thousands…
Variegated Monstera Deliciosa
More commonly known as the ‘cheese plant’, the Monstera Deliciosa is one of the more popular house plants thanks to its attractive big leaves with ‘Swiss cheese-like’ holes.
Yet while a regular Monstera Deliciosa isn’t worth much, a variegated Monstera is very rare, with them being sold for as much as £4,562.18 on Etsy.
The signs to look out for include small white markings on the stems and leaves, and the occasional whole white leaf. They can be subtle however, which is why Lidl and B&Q have been missing them.
Variegated Monstera Adansonii
Much like it’s larger cousin, the Monstera Adansonii can also develop a rare variegation – though this one can be a lot more valuable.
These plants need to be fed frequently throughout the winter and, if they’re not, they’ll sometimes develop small white spots, which can make shops sell them on the cheap. But these spots are easily confused with the beginnings of variegation, which has the same telltale white stripes on the stem as the Deliciosa.
On Ebay, the most expensive Adansonii for sale is listed at £3,699.
Philodendron White Princess or White Knight
There are over 400 species of Philodendron in the world but, much like the Monstera, there can be a very subtle type that can be easily missed by florists and retailers.
There is a type of Philodendron with white leaves that is worth hundreds of pounds; the Philodendron White Princess and White Knight look very similar, with glossy green leaves and white lines that might otherwise be mistaken for disease or damage.
On Etsy, a White Knight can sell for as much as £4,216.82, while the White Princess is on sale on various sites for roughly £400.
Pink Princess Philodendron
The Pink Princess Philodendron – commonly nicknamed the PPP – is similar to the White Knight and White Princess, but instead has pint variegation instead of white.
This variegation can take a while to show, and can come across as a shadow on a baby plant, hence the potentially low price.
But on Etsy, a mature plant can be sold for as much as £2,228, with a single leaf cutting going for around £200.
The Monstera Obliqua is one of the rarest house plants going, and its fragile leaves can often be mistaken for pest damage.
However, a genuine Obliqua is amongst the most sought after plant by enthusiasts, with a single leaf being flogged on Etsy for a massive £1,590, and on Ebay for £1,250.
Beans the Bernese Mountain Dog goes viral over video of him queuing for a chippy tea
We can all relate to Beans…
A Bernese Mountain Dog who goes by the name of Beans has become a viral sensation for his love of a chippy tea.
Beans is the star of his very own TikTok page, which is run by his owner Wesley Newton, who set up the account during the 2020 lockdown to document his daily life.
The account consists mainly of videos of Beans trotting around his hometown of Nantwich, and popping in and out of local shops for attention and treats from local residents.
But this month, Beans reached a whole new level of fame when Wesley filmed one of his many visits to the local chippy, where he gets fed a sausage whenever he passes.
The video, which has since been viewed over 3.9 million times, shows Beans queuing outside the Coral Reef chippy and patiently waiting for a piece of sausage, which the restaurant’s manager Simon White eventually feeds to him.
Thanks to the clip, Beans was quickly catapulted to viral fame, with people from all over the world watching his chippy antics.
But on a more local scale, Wesley told Cheshire Live that the last week has been ‘mad’ with Beans getting recognised regularly out on the street.
He said: “It’s gone a bit crazy this week. It’s a bit overwhelming with everyone getting in touch. But he’s just so unaware and is just carrying on doing his daily thing. Walks this week have been a bit mad, stopping and starting. We must have done like twenty selfies with people.
Speaking of his dog’s love for Coral Chippy, Wesley added: “He would go past there every day if he could but we tend to go there once every couple of weeks.”
He explained that there are a number of other establishments in the area that welcome Beans with open arms, including the post office, most of the charity shops, the dog café, Chatwins, the White Horse pub, the Wilbraham Arms, and the Ginger and Pickles café.
Following Beans’ viral success, he and Wesley have been asked to be the faces of the annual Woof Mudder (Tough Mudder for dogs and their owners) this year, which will be taking place in May.
You can follow Beans’ antics on TikTok here.
British sayings like ‘chuffed to bits’ and ‘storm in a teacup’ at risk of dying out in next few years
People might not be seeing a man about a dog for much longer…
A number of traditional British sayings are at risk of becoming fully extinct in the next few years, new research has revealed this week.
The study, conducted by Perspectus Global, quizzed 2,000 members of the British public aged between eighteen and fifty on their knowledge of a variety of traditional sayings.
Ultimately, it was found that fifty phrases could be soon lost from the English language all together.
Of the people surveyed, 78% had never used the the phrase ‘pearls before swine’, while 71% had never used ‘colder than a witch’s tit’ or ‘nail your colours to the mast’.
Somewhat unsurprisingly, 70% of Brits don’t wave goodbye with a jolly ‘pip pip’ anymore, either – did anyone ever say this?
And even the more popular sayings such as ‘flogging a dead horse’, ‘having a chinwag’ and ‘cool as a cucumber’ aren’t safe, with 54%, 52% and 51% of the Brits surveyed claiming not to use them.
Other high-risk sayings include ‘it’s chock a block’, ‘not enough room to swing a cat’, ‘snug as a bug in a rug’, ‘pardon my French’ and ‘chuffed to bits’.
Ellie Glason from Perspectus Global said on the findings: “It’s interesting to see from our research how language evolves and changes over the years.
“It would seem that, many of the phrases which were once commonplace in Britain, are seldom used nowadays.”
Here is the full list of British sayings in risk of dying out:
- Pearls before swine 78% [have never used the phrase]
- Nail your colours to the mast 71%
- Colder than a witch’s tit 71%
- Pip pip 70%
- Know your onions 68%
- A nod is as good as a wink 66%
- A stitch in time saves nine 64%
- Ready for the knackers yard 62%
- I’ve dropped a clanger 60%
- A fly in the ointment 59%
- Keen as mustard 58%
- A flash in the pan 57%
- Tickety boo 57%
- A load of codswallop 56%
- A curtain twitcher 56%
- Knickers in a twist 56%
- Dead as a doornail 55%
- A dog’s dinner 55%
- It’s chock a block 55%
- Storm in a teacup 55%
- Could not organise a p*** up in a brewery 54%
- Not enough room to swing a cat 54%
- Flogging a dead horse 54%
- Toe the line 54%
- Popped her clogs 54%
- Drop them a line 53%
- Steal my thunder 53%
- A few sandwiches short of a picnic 53%
- A legend in one’s own lifetime 52%
- Be there or be square 52%
- Fell off the back of a lorry 52%
- A bodge job 52%
- Eat humble pie 52%
- Having a chinwag 52%
- Put a sock in it 52%
- Mad as a Hatter 51%
- Spend a penny 51%
- Cool as a cucumber 51%
- It’s gone pear shaped 51%
- It cost a bomb 51%
- Raining cats and dogs 51%
- See a man about a dog 51%
- It takes the biscuit 50%
- He’s a good egg 50%
- Snug as a bug in a rug 49%
- Chuffed to bits 49%
- Have a gander 49%
- Selling like hot cakes 49%
- Pardon my French 48%
- A Turn up for the books 45%