One person’s tale of their lockdown visit to Lidl has swept social media and people are equally confused and amused.
The tale involves one man, a weekly shop and some rope. What transpires is a beautiful story of teamwork between a bunch of Lidl-goers.
I don’t want to rope you along or waste your time, but you’re knot going to believe this. No, you literally won’t, it’s obviously a joke.
Here’s the story in full, enjoy…
“A warning to all: avoid using Lidl in Dewsbury at the moment if you can.
I’ve just got back from a truly awful shopping trip there.
Having queued up, patiently and socially distancing, as I neared the entrance a shop worker clipped a carabena onto the belt loop of my jeans, my perplexed expression must have said it all as she explained that whilst people are distancing in the queue outside, they aren’t distancing once inside the store.
So what some dinlo has dreamt up is to rope six or so customers together with 2m of rope between each of us!
Well these are strange times and with the threat of a second wave of infection I thought I’d best not complain and just toe the line (or perhaps ‘tow’ the line would be more appropriate!).
I’m telling you now, what an absolutely idiotic idea this is.
We negotiated our way in to the store, some with trolleys and others trying to grab a basket before the berserk conga line drags them away
I was near the middle of the rope picking up some veg, the woman at the front, who was trussed up like a kid in a harness was trying to drag the whole line to the apples and the bloke at the back trying to pull the other way to get his hands on last week’s courgettes which were now this week’s courgette offer.
It was like tug-of-war for the deranged.
It’s embarrassing to say, but I lost it, started ranting and raving about the rope and how the hell are people meant to shop like this, I went to unclip the carabena which miraculously brought the attention of the staff who told me I’d be asked to leave the shop if I unclipped.
“FFS we’re not rock climbing, we’re trying to buy cheese” are words which I’ll carry with me to my grave.
Strangely this outburst had the effect of bringing our train together as a team.
We carried on now with lots of communication, people passing stuff along the line to other to fill their baskets.
Now I know passing things to one another could spread the infection as much as person to person contact but I honestly think if we hadn’t have done, I’d still be there now.
As we started along the aisle I generally refer to as “biscuits and creosote”, it was clear from the melée that all was not well in the adjacent aisle.
As far as I could tell there had been 2 trains of people and a lady in the middle of one chain had ducked under the other to get her hands on a pop-art cat bed.
The tangle had resulted in a multi-pedestrian pile up in which the epicentre resembled the deity Durga, it wasn’t clear how long they’d been there but one old chap was trying to free himself by feverishly sawing at the rope with his house keys.
We navigated the remaining aisles without major trauma, other than having to rescue Doreen (2nd in line) after she fell in the chest freezer trying to reach the last beef Wellington.
We were individually unclipped prior to the till, at which point any camaraderie we’d had quickly evaporated as everyone scrambled for the first available till.
With the ordeal still impeding rational thought, it was a welcome and familiar sight to have the check out throw all my shopping on the floor in the normal 1000mph fashion.
I really did not appreciate being strung along like that, but I hope you were!
And if you really want to be entertained, wait for the comments from those who don’t read the whole thing.”
Well there you go. I’m not sure how some people don’t realise it’s a joke to be honest…
Cat from Rochdale who went missing 12 years ago has been found 230 miles away from home
A cat from Greater Manchester vanished 12 years ago, but has now been discovered living on a campsite 230 miles away from home.
Georgie, a 15 year-old-cat, has been missing since 2008, when she disappeared while the family were on a camping trip in Scotland.
The cat has been living on a campsite in Loch Lomond for a year, which is due to close. Rescuers were baffled to find the microchip registered to an address hundreds of miles away in Rochdale.
Rescuers have said her life for the past decade will ‘forever remain a mystery’.
Cats Protection Glasgow said: “Georgie’s family got her as a kitten and from when she was 12 weeks old onwards, she enjoyed regular camping trips with her family starting out on a lead.
“Eventually she would roam the grounds of where they were staying and would always come back no problem.
“Twelve years ago, her owner had a baby and Georgie took exception to this, so when they came up here to Loch Lomond on a camping trip in October 2008, on the final day, Georgie disappeared and never returned.
“Where she has been for the past 12 years might forever remain a mystery but she’s still really friendly so suspect she has definitely been around humans.”
Georgie’s shocked family have decided to not collect their cat and instead rehome her.
Rescuers continued: “Her family were obviously extremely shocked to find out that Georgie has been found 12 years later and although their heart is telling them to drive up to Glasgow straight away to collect her, all of us know it’s not the right thing for Georgie.
“Her family got another cat nine years ago who doesn’t like other cats and we suspect Georgie also doesn’t like other cats so it wouldn’t work and it would be quite a journey home for her only to discover what we already know.
“So Georgie will be cared for by us until we are ready to find her another loving home. Her previous family will keep in touch with us to find out how she’s doing while she’s with us.”
Cats Protection added this incident shows the importance of microchipping pets.
They said: “This story just shows the importance of microchipping your pet and also a message to everyone who has a missing pet, don’t give up hope as Georgie has been found after 12 years.”
We’ll never know what she got up to for the past decade but at least she’s been found safe and sound!
The Chase’s Mark ‘The Beast’ Labbett shows off his impressive weight loss in new photo
He looks great!
Mark Labbet, aka The Beast from The Chase, has wowed fans with an impressive weight loss.
He donned baggy trousers in a picture he shared on Twitter, saying he has a ‘long way to go’ but that he’s pleased with his weight loss efforts.
The quizmaster has been applauded by fans, with many saying ‘well done’, and another person adding ‘looking good’.
Another wrote ‘well-done lad, good on ya. It’s a hard graft especially after all the lockdown madness’.
The 6ft 6ins 54-year-old weighed 378lbs at his heaviest, but has detailed how his body has transformed in 2018.
Mark has previously turned down I’m A Celebrity… Get Me Out of Here! for fears the diet of rice and beans wouldn’t be substantial enough for him.
He said: “I’ve been asked to do the jungle but the base calorie intake is about 700. Look at me! If I survived a week I’d drop three stone and cannibalism would be on the cards.
“On Sugar Free Farm the weight fell off me because I couldn’t eat enough. Does ‘The Chase’ need me big? Put it this way, whenever I start losing weight because I’m doing a fitness kick of whatever, the producers go past me and hand me a second portion of pudding.”
Hack for going frizz-free and getting perfect natural curly locks goes viral
Have you tried it?
The Curly Girl Method is a special technique for transforming curly hair and getting frizz-free locks.
The method, which bans shampoo, took social media by storm over recent years due to how well it transforms curly hair into luscious locks.
Anyone with curly hair knows the struggles of battling the frizz and maintaining perfect curls, but most people who try the Curly Girth Method never go back.
The Curly Girl Method was that life-changing, Lorain Massey who created the method, wrote a book about it: Curly Girl: The Handbook.
Essentially it involves re-training what you know about hair and letting it fall into its natural curl pattern.
Firstly, if you’ve never heard of this before I don’t know how because the fan base for this is almost as strong as Beliebers back in 2010. A quick Google search will see you bombarded with well over 42,000 results and there are even dedicated Facebook groups of supporters of the method.
The best thing to do is to pick up a copy of the book or join one of those Facebook groups for fool-proof tips.
Once you’re ready to commit to a new frizz free life there are a few main dos and don’ts.
One of the biggest changes will see you stopping using any shampoo at all. You also want to throw away your curling iron, straighteners and even brushes.
You’re going to need to start reading the labels of any hair products, getting rid of anything that contains sulfates. While you’re at it, throw away anything with silicones, alcohol, fragrance and any non-water soluble formulas.
Instead, the Curly Girl Method needs you to ween off shampoo and instead condition your hair around once a week.
You should also opt for products that are rich in emollients like shea butter and proteins like wheat. It also recommends styling gel with ingredients like PVP that you scrunch up into your hair to define the curls.
Most Curly Girls’ (and boys!) let their hair dry naturally, avoiding heat completely and usually leave in some conditioner.
Depending on how curly your hair is will depend on the exact method you should use. For coily hair, wrap your hair up with a leave-in conditioner for around 15 minutes before rinsing completely. Wavy hair should leave a little conditioner in and curly hair can either rinse or leave-in.
If you do want to dry your hair, the method recommends using a diffuser whilst bent forward and continuing to scrunch the curls up from the ends towards the scalp. But most people see enough success letting their hair air dry or blotting dry with a towel.
It takes people around three months to fully see a difference and get used to a new curly way of life.