Parenting site ranks the ‘100 worst’ baby names and it’s bad news for Simons and Alices

A parenting site has compiled the list nobody asked for that ranks the ‘100 worst’ baby names of all time.

Okay, it’s definitely worth mentioning that when the team over at Emma’s Diary put together the list, the intention was only to have a little bit of fun… So don’t get too upset if your little cherub’s name crops up at some point, okay? 

The list, which ranks the incriminating names by gender in alphabetical order, features a noticeable number of names that can be associated with other items such as Flora, Maybelline and Chardonnay. (Yes, apparently someone has actually named their child after a clumpy mascara).

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There are also names on the list that are associated with fictional characters like Chandler from the ’90s sitcom Friends while others, like Boris, are associated with high profile people – there’s no further explanation needed for that one, is there?

Names that remind people of songs are also frowned upon, such as Delilah (‘Why, why, why, Delilah) and Alice (Alice, Alice, who the f*** is Alice), and generally ‘older’ names like Tracey and Bob… Because those names will never suit a precious newborn in today’s day and age, will they? 

Karen also made the list, for obvious reasons, as did Hitler – for very obvious reasons.

Aditya Romansa / Unsplash

Here’s the full list of allegedly unsavoury girls names:

Alexa
Aliviyah
Alice
Apple
Appaloosa
Arabella
Ahmiracle
Any
Aimee
Baby
Beberly
Blaykelee
Boomquifa
Chardonnay
Deirdre
Delilah
Elizabreath
Emmi
Ethel
Fanny
Flora
Helga
Hellzel
I’munique
Jerica
Karen
Lana
L’Oreal
Mattel
Maybelline
Mercedes
Merica
Mia
Nevaeh
North
Panthy
Phelony
Precious
Princess
Sassi
Skye
Sidero
Star
Thana
Tracey
Tu Morrow
Varaminta
Vejonica
Yuu

And for the boys:

Abaddon
Adolf
Anous
Ajax
Akuji
Arthur
Arlo
Bart
Bear
Bob
Boris
Boss
Brian
Buster
Cannon
Cletus
Champ
Chandler
Danger
Dennis
Dick
Diesel
Doyle
Ebolah
Edwood
Elmo
Geoffrey
George
Graham
Hitler
Inspektor
Jax
Jedi
John
Justin
Keeler
Kevin
King
Legend
Louis
Lucifer
Nigel
Sadman
Satan
Simon
Sonny
Spartacus
Stormy
Yugo

Though Emma’s Diary does stress that parents-to-be should use whatever name they love, regardless of what anyone else thinks. So try not to let the list get you down too much, okay?