Ten reasons why the North of England will always be better than the South

The North of England is a special place, an area rich with history, culture, natural beauty, community, and pies with absolutely loads of gravy on them.

We know this, you know this, even that lot down South know this – we’re just proper mint up ‘ere.

And if anyone cares to disagree with that, then show them the following list:

1) Greggs

This list is by no means in any kind of order other than what my brain thinks of first, and naturally, that begins with Greggs.

It’s now been a few years since The Tab quite literally divided the North and South of the country based on Greggs per head and it’s still just as relevant. If you’re reading this in a Pret – you’re probably in the south.

2) Gravy

Another food-based number on the list but gravy is quite literally the Lord’s juice.

Research done in 2014 found that more Northerners insisted on gravy on a roast than those in the South. And the fact that you would have difficulty getting chips and gravy down south hurts my little head.

3) You can buy a house

Back in 2019, the house price gap began to close with house prices rising in the likes of Yorkshire and Humberside and falling in London. It was pretty short-lived.

In 2020, the average house price in the North West was £170k while in London it was £475k. You even get more bang for your buck up North. For instance, £800 per month studio flats in London feature beds hovering over your entire kitchen, bathroom and washing machine, while in Manchester you’ll get a thing called a garden, as well as a garage and possibly a drive, for that price. Maybe even a shed too.

4) Music

Manchester on its own is easily the UK’s most musical city, home to the likes of the Bee Gees, Morrissey, New Order, The Charlatans, Mick Hucknall, Happy Mondays, The Stone Roses, Joy Division, The Smiths, Oasis, Blossoms, The 1975, Everything Everything, Pale Waves, Elbow, and even my other half (Larkins).

When you take in the rest of the North you start to create an unstoppable list of the world’s greatest musicians and an ultimate festival lineup… The Beatles, Take That, Pulp, Ed Sheeran, Arctic Monkeys and of course Jane McDonald from Wakefield. I’ll stop now.

5) The countryside

There is nothing quite like the Great British Countryside and the best bits are in the North, from the likes of the Yorkshire Dales to the Lake District. Then there’s the North York Moors, the Peak District, the Pennines and Northumberland’s Coast. Not bad…

6) Accents

We speak proper up here, like.

Now then, there’s nowt better than a real salt o’ earth accent and up North we’re spoiled for choice, r’kid – from Liverpool to Newcastle via MANCHESTTAAAAHHHH and Leeds, I swear down we’ve got it all.

You can see more here, in the BBC’s handy Tour of Northern England Accents.

7) The pub

Not only can people up North easily nip home to get changed after work before they head out, but it’ll also be cheaper when they do get down the pub.

The Good Pub Guide claims you can get a pint for £4.44 in London – I’ve been charged eight quid once so I’m not having any of it. In Yorkshire, a pint of the frosty stuff will set you back £3.40.

8) The Northern Pound

Keeping on the theme of money, the North has its very own currency. Yes you come to England and get given Great British Pounds with the Queen’s mug slapped all over them but in the North, a London £1 is worth £1.17 up here.

9) The people

We’re just sound aren’t we? Everyone knows it too.

10) Everything else

There are plenty of other things I’ve missed off so number ten is easily just ‘everything’ else not included – which is absolutely everything. We are the best. The end.

Honourable mentions: Yorkshire Puddings, Blackpool Illuminations, football, Coronation Street, The Chuckle Brothers, Parmos, Kendall Mint Cake, a proper brew, fish and chips, Vivienne Westwood and pies, pies and more pies.